I am sitting in the car line at school, feeling grateful and anxious. god has been standing in for me lately a lot. It feels embarrassing. Like I should be able to handle at least SOME of this parenting stuff. But so much of it right now is heart issues that I have to keep throwing my hands up and praying for help. All-consuming jealousy by one child. Returning bitterness by the child being envied. Fear. "Mom, I have chicken too?" In my flesh I snapped, "Honey, HONESTLY! Have I EVER failed to feed you?" She couldn't answer that for the past 6 years I did, but God reminded me. Made me sad, cry out for His sufficiency in my weakness. After dinner, went up to rock girls. Prayed more as they compared minutes rocked and the reasons one got to be FIRST. Prayed that God would make my love evident, tangible so the newest would have assurance instead of insecurity in our home.
I head into teacher's conferences today for my boys. They have been happy lately, but their schoolwork is not up to snuff and these are not routine conferences. Again, I have no idea what to do. They are working hard and have so much adjustment on their plate. And I have a hard time listening to criticism anyways and being defensive. So I am praying for a miracle-- divine communication and maybe even a plan. I love these guys and deeply want them to be seen for who they are away from home. I am confident that God will not fail me when I acknolwdege my weakness and need of His strength.
Thanks for all the prayers.....each day I see growth and can almost feel angel wings brush past me as they minister to my family.
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